Blasted heath (somewhere in West Lothian), front of tabs. 3 witches stand around bubbling cauldron.
All Double, double, toil and
trouble;
Fire burn and cauldron bubble.
Morag Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog.
Isabel Adder's fork, and blind-worm's
sting,
Lizard's leg and howlet's wing.
Katy Here, are you sure this is the recipe for stovies?
Isabel Well, it's in this recipe book. (waves book)
Morag Gimme that. (Snatches book and turns over some pages.) The pages are stuck together!
Katy What were we making?
Morag Midge repellent.
Isabel Well that explains the tartan custard we had last week. (pause) Oh look, we've got an audience. We'd better introduce ourselves.
Morag Hello dearies. We're witches.
Isabel Except now we're style consultants. We're on the telly. Got our own satellite channel, too.
Katy Channel 666!
Morag My name's Morag. I have qualifications, you know. I studied Social Engineering at St Trinian's University.
Isabel And I'm Isabel. I did cosmetic surgery at the University of Transylvania.
Morag And this is our little friend Katy. Say hello, hen.
Katy (Brightly) Hello everybody!
Morag Katy's our work experience girl. Tell the nice people what you're studying, dear.
Katy Home Economics at Lesmahagow High School.
Morag We used to be witches, but we don't do it so much these days, not after what happened to Agnes.
Isabel Besides, there are easier ways to mess up people's lives.
Katy So that's why you started the TV programmes.
Morag Exactly. You are a clever girl, aren't you.
What we like best is encouraging people to have ambitions, then laughing at them when it all goes wrong.
Isabel We told Pierce Brosnan he could sing...
Morag and John Sergeant he could dance...
Isabel and ____ ____[1] he could manage a football team.
Katy Isn't that a bit cruel?
Morag Yes, but it makes great television. Anyway, we're not half as bad as that other lot.
Isabel When it comes to creating chaos, they're much worse than us.
Morag We'd better get out of here quick, before THEY turn up.
Katy Who?
Morag & Isabel
Politicians!!!
Exit witches R.