Macbeth's house.
Enter Angus and Mandy Macbeth, L
Macbeth Good news, dearest. I've invited Duncan King over to our house to stay for a few days while the decorators clear up the mess.
Mandy Why is that good news? Don't think you'll get his job just by being nice to him.
Macbeth (patiently) No dear. I plan to arrange a little accident for him.
Mandy Accident? What sort of an accident? We don't need lawyers suing us for compensation.
Macbeth No dear. Accident, as in, "terminate with extreme prejudice".
Mandy You mean, kill him?
Macbeth Precisely.
Mandy Well, why didn't you just say that? For goodness sake, you men are such wimps. Look, take this. (She offers him a knife)
Macbeth Is this a dagger I see before me?
Mandy No, it's a skean dhu.
Macbeth Is there a difference?
Mandy I don't care. It'll still kill him, won't it?
Macbeth But I can't just stab him in the back.
Mandy Why not? It's the safest way.
Look, here he comes now. You deal with him; I'll knock up some incriminating evidence on the computer.
Enter Duncan, R
Duncan Angus, Mandy, how kind you are to help me out in my time of need. I am most gratified.
Macbeth It's the least we could do.
Mandy We're just happy we could help out.
Macbeth It's no trouble at all.
Mandy We do so love having you here.
Duncan It'll just be for one night.
Mandy (to audience) And maybe not even as long as that.
Macbeth Let me show you to the spare room.
He begins to gesture with the knife, before noticing it with horror and hiding it behind his back.
Exit Macbeth and Duncan L.
Mandy At last! This is our chance. I just hope that useless husband of mine doesn't blow it.
Blackout. - Mandy Macbeth in spotlight, centre stage. Song to go here.
We'll take what should be rightly
ours,
The feeble foe beneath us cowers,
The King will die, and with his death,
The world will learn the name Macbeth.
Thunder and lightning. Enter chorus, panicking and running around.
Politician 1 What a calamity!
Politician 2 Is it true?
Politician 3 This is terrible!
Politician 4 What's happened?
Enter Macbeth L
Macbeth There's been a murder. The First Minister is dead.
All (in unison) Jings! Crivens! Help ma bob!
Mandy He disturbed some burglars. We caught them on CCTV - look.
She holds up a photograph of the set, with a childish drawing of burglars overlaid on it - stripy jumper, bag marked SWAG, dagger with blood dripping off it, etc
And we found this note.
Politician 1 What does it say?
Mandy "It was us what done it - signed, the burglars."
And there's more - "P.S. We vote the MSP for Glamis gets his job." That would be you, Angus.
Politician 2 Yes, that's right.
Politician 3 You were his deputy.
Politician 4 You have to be First Minister now.
Macbeth Oh alright, if you insist.
Mandy Yes! (punches air) Oh, sorry, I hate it when it does that. (looks ashamed)
Macbeth (to audience)
Because of my successful plan,
The job is mine! I am The Man.
No-one can stop me, just you wait,
For I am now the head of state.
(evil laugh)
Audience Boo! Hiss!
Curtains close as chorus mill about in disarray.
End of Act 1.
Act 2 / Title page / Back