Scene 3

Blasted heath (in front of green curtain). 3 Witches with cauldron.

Morag             Ha ha ha! Our plan is working! He'll murder Duncan King, then we can make sure he gets caught. If only Agnes were here to see it.

Isabel              Just think of the chaos it'll cause! (Turns to Katy) And you know what people do when the world's in an uproar?

Katy                Decorate?

Morag             Exactly! So they start watching our programmes on the telly.

Katy                I like that one where you persuade young men to put go-faster stripes on their cars, then laugh at them behind their backs...

Isabel              "Tart up my motor"

Katy                ... and the one where you do plastic surgery on women and give them really big noses...

Morag             "Extreme Rhinoplasty"

Katy                ... or get them to wear unsuitable clothes ...

Isabel              "How to look half decent, half naked"

Katy                ... but my favourite is the gardening one. Like last week, where you showed how to dig up all your plants and put down decking.

Morag             This week, we're going to rip up the decking and put in a rock garden.

Isabel              And next week, we lift all the rocks and put in plants.

Witches laugh uproariously. WITCHES' SONG HERE

Morag             (To audience) We're environmentally friendly, we are. We recycle everything.

Isabel              We even recycle our jokes.

Katy                What you mean is, you steal them from other pantomimes.

Morag             Oh, no no no no no. We wouldn't do that.

Isabel              Only if they're funny.

Morag             Anyway - look, here comes another numpty. Let's see what we can get him to do.

Enter Macduff R

Morag             Good morning, young man.

Macduff          Hello ladies. Oh, what a beautiful morning!

Isabel              You're not going to start singing, are you now?

Macduff          No.

Katy                Thank goodness for that.

Macduff          Er, have I not seen you on the television.

Morag             Indeed you have. Would you like an Extreme Makeover, dear?

Macduff          Um, maybe some other time.

Isabel              We could make you popular with the ladies. Have them beating a path to your door.

Macduff          No thanks, I'm already seeing someone.

Katy                We could give you a seat on the government. Minister for Science, perhaps.

Macduff          Sorry, I couldn't do that. I don't really know much about science.

Morag             That hasn't stopped anyone in the past. What about money? We could make you rich beyond the dreams of avarice.

Macduff          Oh, that wouldn't be right. I just want to do the right thing for my constituents.

Isabel              You don't want to be loved, you don't want power, you don't want money. What sort of a politician are you anyway?

Morag             Get out of here before we turn you into a frog. You're useless, you are.

Katy                And your mother dresses you funny.

Exit Macduff L hastily.

Isabel              He's in denial, he is.

Morag             (To Katy) You know what denial is, don't you hen?

Katy                Of course Morag. It's a river in de Middle East.

Isabel              Oh, very funny.

Morag             Enough of this. We have things to do.

Witches           This really is the perfect day,
For ev'ry thing is goin' our way.
But we have got more schemes afoot,
We need to plan, so off we scoot.

They leave R.