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THE LADY WITH THE DOG
by Anton Chekhov
I
IT was said that a new person had appeared on the sea-front: a lady
with a little dog. Dmitri Dmitritch Gurov, who had by then been a
fortnight at Yalta, and so was fairly at home there, had begun to take an
interest in new arrivals. Sitting in Verney's
pavilion, he saw, walking on the sea-front, a fair-haired young
lady of medium height, wearing a béret; a white Pomeranian dog was
running behind her.
And afterwards he met her in the public gardens and in the square
several times a day. She was walking alone, always wearing the same béret,
and always with the same white dog; no one knew who she was, and every one
called her simply "the lady with the dog."
"If she is here alone without a husband or friends, it wouldn't be
amiss to make her acquaintance," Gurov reflected.
He was under forty, but he had a daughter already twelve years old, and
two sons at school. He had been married young, when he was a student in
his second year, and by now his wife seemed half as old again as he. She
was a tall, erect woman with dark eyebrows, staid and dignified, and, as
she said of herself, intellectual. She read a great deal, used phonetic
spelling, called her husband, not Dmitri, but Dimitri, and he
secretly considered her unintelligent, narrow, inelegant, was afraid of
her, and did not like to be at home. He had begun being unfaithful to her
long ago -- had been unfaithful to her often, and, probably on that
account, almost always spoke ill of women, and when they were talked about
in his presence, used to call them "the lower race."
It seemed to him that he had been so schooled by bitter experience that
he might call them what he liked, and yet he could not get on for two days
together without "the lower race." In the society of men he was
bored and not himself, with them he was cold and uncommunicative; but when
he was in the company of women he felt free, and knew what to say to them
and how to behave; and he was at ease with them even when he was silent.
In his appearance, in his character, in his whole nature, there was
something attractive and elusive which allured women and disposed them in
his favour; he knew that, and some force seemed to draw him, too, to them.
Experience often repeated, truly bitter experience, had taught him long
ago that with decent people, especially Moscow people -- always slow to
move and irresolute -- every intimacy, which at first so agreeably
diversifies life and appears a light and charming adventure, inevitably
grows into a regular problem of extreme intricacy, and in the long run the
situation becomes unbearable. But at every fresh meeting with an
interesting woman this experience seemed to slip out of his memory, and he
was eager for life, and everything seemed simple and amusing.
One evening he was dining in the gardens, and the lady in the béret
came up slowly to take the next table. Her expression, her gait, her
dress, and the way she did her hair told him that she was a lady, that she
was married, that she was in Yalta for the first time and alone, and that
she was dull there. . . . The stories told of the immorality in such
places as Yalta are to a great extent untrue; he despised them, and knew
that such stories were for the most part made up by persons who would
themselves have been glad to sin if they had been able; but when the lady
sat down at the next table three paces from him, he remembered these tales
of easy conquests, of trips to the mountains, and the tempting thought of
a swift, fleeting love affair, a romance with an unknown woman, whose name
he did not know, suddenly took possession of him.
He beckoned coaxingly to the Pomeranian, and when the dog came up to
him he shook his finger at it. The Pomeranian growled: Gurov shook his
finger at it again.
The lady looked at him and at once dropped her eyes.
"He doesn't bite," she said, and blushed.
"May I give him a bone?" he asked; and when she nodded he
asked courteously, "Have you been long in Yalta?"
"Five days."
"And I have already dragged out a fortnight here."
There was a brief silence.
"Time goes fast, and yet it is so dull here!" she said, not
looking at him.
"That's only the fashion to say it is dull here. A provincial will
live in Belyov or Zhidra and not be dull, and
when he comes here it's 'Oh, the dulness! Oh, the dust!' One would think
he came from Grenada."
She laughed. Then both continued eating in silence, like strangers, but
after dinner they walked side by side; and there sprang up between them
the light jesting conversation of people who are free and satisfied, to
whom it does not matter where they go or what they talk about. They walked
and talked of the strange light on the sea: the water was of a soft warm
lilac hue, and there was a golden streak from the moon upon it. They
talked of how sultry it was after a hot day. Gurov told her that he came
from Moscow, that he had taken his degree in Arts, but had a post in a
bank; that he had trained as an opera-singer, but had given it up, that he
owned two houses in Moscow. . . . And from her he learnt that she had
grown up in Petersburg, but had lived in S---- since her marriage two
years before, that she was staying another month in Yalta, and that her
husband, who needed a holiday too, might perhaps come and fetch her. She
was not sure whether her husband had a post in a Crown Department or under
the Provincial Council -- and was amused by her own ignorance. And Gurov
learnt, too, that she was called Anna Sergeyevna.
Afterwards he thought about her in his room at the hotel -- thought she
would certainly meet him next day; it would be sure to happen. As he got
into bed he thought how lately she had been a girl at school, doing
lessons like his own daughter; he recalled the diffidence, the angularity,
that was still manifest in her laugh and her manner of talking with a
stranger. This must have been the first time in her life she had been
alone in surroundings in which she was followed, looked at, and spoken to
merely from a secret motive which she could hardly fail to guess. He
recalled her slender, delicate neck, her lovely grey eyes.
"There's something pathetic about her, anyway," he thought,
and fell asleep.
II
A week had passed since they had made acquaintance. It was a holiday.
It was sultry indoors, while in the street the wind whirled the dust round
and round, and blew people's hats off. It was a thirsty day, and Gurov
often went into the pavilion, and pressed Anna Sergeyevna to have syrup
and water or an ice. One did not know what to do with oneself.
In the evening when the wind had dropped a little, they went out on the
groyne to see the steamer come in. There were
a great many people walking about the harbour; they had gathered to
welcome some one, bringing bouquets. And two peculiarities of a
well-dressed Yalta crowd were very conspicuous: the elderly ladies were
dressed like young ones, and there were great numbers of generals.
Owing to the roughness of the sea, the steamer arrived late, after the
sun had set, and it was a long time turning about before it reached the
groyne. Anna Sergeyevna looked through her lorgnette
at the steamer and the passengers as though looking for acquaintances, and
when she turned to Gurov her eyes were shining. She talked a great deal
and asked disconnected questions, forgetting next moment what she had
asked; then she dropped her lorgnette in the crush.
The festive crowd began to disperse; it was too dark to see people's
faces. The wind had completely dropped, but Gurov and Anna Sergeyevna
still stood as though waiting to see some one else come from the steamer.
Anna Sergeyevna was silent now, and sniffed the flowers without looking at
Gurov.
"The weather is better this evening," he said. "Where
shall we go now? Shall we drive somewhere?"
She made no answer.
Then he looked at her intently, and all at once put his arm round her
and kissed her on the lips, and breathed in the moisture and the fragrance
of the flowers; and he immediately looked round him, anxiously wondering
whether any one had seen them.
"Let us go to your hotel," he said softly. And both walked
quickly.
The room was close and smelt of the scent she had bought at the
Japanese shop. Gurov looked at her and thought: "What different
people one meets in the world!" From the past he preserved memories
of careless, good-natured women, who loved cheerfully and were grateful to
him for the happiness he gave them, however brief it might be; and of
women like his wife who loved without any genuine feeling, with
superfluous phrases, affectedly, hysterically, with an expression that
suggested that it was not love nor passion, but something more
significant; and of two or three others, very beautiful, cold women, on
whose faces he had caught a glimpse of a rapacious expression -- an
obstinate desire to snatch from life more than it could give, and these
were capricious, unreflecting, domineering, unintelligent women not in
their first youth, and when Gurov grew cold to them their beauty excited
his hatred, and the lace on their linen seemed to him like scales.
But in this case there was still the diffidence, the angularity of
inexperienced youth, an awkward feeling; and there was a sense of
consternation as though some one had suddenly knocked at the door. The
attitude of Anna Sergeyevna -- "the lady with the dog" -- to
what had happened was somehow peculiar, very grave, as though it were her
fall -- so it seemed, and it was strange and inappropriate. Her face
dropped and faded, and on both sides of it her long hair hung down
mournfully; she mused in a dejected attitude like "the woman who was
a sinner" in an old-fashioned picture.
"It's wrong," she said. "You will be the first to
despise me now."
There was a water-melon on the table. Gurov cut himself a slice and
began eating it without haste. There followed at least half an hour of
silence.
Anna Sergeyevna was touching; there was about her the purity of a good,
simple woman who had seen little of life. The solitary candle burning on
the table threw a faint light on her face, yet it was clear that she was
very unhappy.
"How could I despise you?" asked Gurov. "You don't know
what you are saying."
"God forgive me," she said, and her eyes filled with tears.
"It's awful."
"You seem to feel you need to be forgiven."
"Forgiven? No. I am a bad, low woman; I despise myself and don't
attempt to justify myself. It's not my husband but myself I have deceived.
And not only just now; I have been deceiving myself for a long time. My
husband may be a good, honest man, but he is a flunkey! I don't know what
he does there, what his work is, but I know he is a flunkey! I was twenty
when I was married to him. I have been tormented by curiosity; I wanted
something better. 'There must be a different sort of life,' I said to
myself. I wanted to live! To live, to live! . . . I was fired by curiosity
. . . you don't understand it, but, I swear to God, I could not control
myself; something happened to me: I could not be restrained. I told my
husband I was ill, and came here. . . . And here I have been walking about
as though I were dazed, like a mad creature; . . . and now I have become a
vulgar, contemptible woman whom any one may despise."
Gurov felt bored already, listening to her. He was irritated by the
naïve tone, by this remorse, so unexpected and inopportune; but for the
tears in her eyes, he might have thought she was jesting or playing a
part.
"I don't understand," he said softly. "What is it you
want?"
She hid her face on his breast and pressed close to him.
"Believe me, believe me, I beseech you . . ." she said.
"I love a pure, honest life, and sin is loathsome to me. I don't know
what I am doing. Simple people say: 'The Evil One has beguiled me.' And I
may say of myself now that the Evil One has beguiled me."
"Hush, hush! . . ." he muttered.
He looked at her fixed, scared eyes, kissed her, talked softly and
affectionately, and by degrees she was comforted, and her gaiety returned;
they both began laughing.
Afterwards when they went out there was not a soul on the sea-front.
The town with its cypresses had quite a deathlike air, but the sea still
broke noisily on the shore; a single barge was rocking on the waves, and a
lantern was blinking sleepily on it.
They found a cab and drove to Oreanda.
"I found out your surname in the hall just now: it was written on
the board -- Von Diderits," said Gurov. "Is your husband a
German?"
"No; I believe his grandfather was a German, but he is an Orthodox
Russian himself."
At Oreanda they sat on a seat not far from the church, looked down at
the sea, and were silent. Yalta was hardly visible through the morning
mist; white clouds stood motionless on the mountain-tops. The leaves did
not stir on the trees, grasshoppers chirruped, and the monotonous hollow
sound of the sea rising up from below, spoke of the peace, of the eternal
sleep awaiting us. So it must have sounded when there was no Yalta, no
Oreanda here; so it sounds now, and it will sound as indifferently and
monotonously when we are all no more. And in this constancy, in this
complete indifference to the life and death of each of us, there lies hid,
perhaps, a pledge of our eternal salvation, of the unceasing movement of
life upon earth, of unceasing progress towards perfection. Sitting beside
a young woman who in the dawn seemed so lovely, soothed and spellbound in
these magical surroundings -- the sea, mountains, clouds, the open sky --
Gurov thought how in reality everything is beautiful in this world when
one reflects: everything except what we think or do ourselves when we
forget our human dignity and the higher aims of our existence.
A man walked up to them -- probably a keeper -- looked at them and
walked away. And this detail seemed mysterious and beautiful, too. They
saw a steamer come from Theodosia, with its lights out in the glow of
dawn.
"There is dew on the grass," said Anna Sergeyevna, after a
silence.
"Yes. It's time to go home."
They went back to the town.
Then they met every day at twelve o'clock on the sea-front, lunched and
dined together, went for walks, admired the sea. She complained that she
slept badly, that her heart throbbed violently; asked the same questions,
troubled now by jealousy and now by the fear that he did not respect her
sufficiently. And often in the square or gardens, when there was no one
near them, he suddenly drew her to him and kissed her passionately.
Complete idleness, these kisses in broad daylight while he looked round in
dread of some one's seeing them, the heat, the smell of the sea, and the
continual passing to and fro before him of idle, well-dressed, well-fed
people, made a new man of him; he told Anna Sergeyevna how beautiful she
was, how fascinating. He was impatiently passionate, he would not move a
step away from her, while she was often pensive and continually urged him
to confess that he did not respect her, did not love her in the least, and
thought of her as nothing but a common woman. Rather late almost every
evening they drove somewhere out of town, to Oreanda or to the waterfall;
and the expedition was always a success, the scenery invariably impressed
them as grand and beautiful.
They were expecting her husband to come, but a letter came from him,
saying that there was something wrong with his eyes, and he entreated his
wife to come home as quickly as possible. Anna Sergeyevna made haste to
go.
"It's a good thing I am going away," she said to Gurov.
"It's the finger of destiny!"
She went by coach and he went with her. They were driving the whole
day. When she had got into a compartment of the express, and when the second
bell had rung, she said:
"Let me look at you once more . . . look at you once again. That's
right."
She did not shed tears, but was so sad that she seemed ill, and her
face was quivering.
"I shall remember you . . . think of you," she said.
"God be with you; be happy. Don't remember evil against me. We are
parting forever -- it must be so, for we ought never to have met. Well,
God be with you."
The train moved off rapidly, its lights soon vanished from sight, and a
minute later there was no sound of it, as though everything had conspired
together to end as quickly as possible that sweet delirium, that madness.
Left alone on the platform, and gazing into the dark distance, Gurov
listened to the chirrup of the grasshoppers and the hum of the telegraph
wires, feeling as though he had only just waked up. And he thought,
musing, that there had been another episode or adventure in his life, and
it, too, was at an end, and nothing was left of it but a memory. . . . He
was moved, sad, and conscious of a slight remorse. This young woman whom
he would never meet again had not been happy with him; he was genuinely
warm and affectionate with her, but yet in his manner, his tone, and his
caresses there had been a shade of light irony, the coarse condescension
of a happy man who was, besides, almost twice her age. All the time she
had called him kind, exceptional, lofty; obviously he had seemed to her
different from what he really was, so he had unintentionally deceived her.
. . .
Here at the station was already a scent of autumn; it was a cold
evening.
"It's time for me to go north," thought Gurov as he left the
platform. "High time!"
III
At home in Moscow everything was in its winter routine; the stoves were
heated, and in the morning it was still dark when the children were having
breakfast and getting ready for school, and the nurse would light the lamp
for a short time. The frosts had begun already. When the first snow has
fallen, on the first day of sledge-driving it is pleasant to see the white
earth, the white roofs, to draw soft, delicious breath, and the season
brings back the days of one's youth. The old limes and birches, white with
hoar-frost, have a good-natured expression; they are nearer to one's heart
than cypresses and palms, and near them one doesn't want to be thinking of
the sea and the mountains.
Gurov was Moscow born; he arrived in Moscow on a fine frosty day, and
when he put on his fur coat and warm gloves, and walked along Petrovka,
and when on Saturday evening he heard the ringing of the bells, his recent
trip and the places he had seen lost all charm for him. Little by little
he became absorbed in Moscow life, greedily read three newspapers a day,
and declared he did not read the Moscow papers on principle! He already
felt a longing to go to restaurants, clubs, dinner-parties, anniversary
celebrations, and he felt flattered at entertaining distinguished lawyers
and artists, and at playing cards with a professor at the doctors' club.
He could already eat a whole plateful of salt fish and cabbage.
In another month, he fancied, the image of Anna Sergeyevna would be
shrouded in a mist in his memory, and only from time to time would visit
him in his dreams with a touching smile as others did. But more than a
month passed, real winter had come, and everything was still clear in his
memory as though he had parted with Anna Sergeyevna only the day before.
And his memories glowed more and more vividly. When in the evening
stillness he heard from his study the voices of his children, preparing
their lessons, or when he listened to a song or the organ at the
restaurant, or the storm howled in the chimney, suddenly everything would
rise up in his memory: what had happened on the groyne, and the early
morning with the mist on the mountains, and the steamer coming from
Theodosia, and the kisses. He would pace a long time about his room,
remembering it all and smiling; then his memories passed into dreams, and
in his fancy the past was mingled with what was to come. Anna Sergeyevna
did not visit him in dreams, but followed him about everywhere like a
shadow and haunted him. When he shut his eyes he saw her as though she
were living before him, and she seemed to him lovelier, younger, tenderer
than she was; and he imagined himself finer than he had been in Yalta. In
the evenings she peeped out at him from the bookcase, from the fireplace,
from the corner -- he heard her breathing, the caressing rustle of her
dress. In the street he watched the women, looking for some one like her.
He was tormented by an intense desire to confide his memories to some
one. But in his home it was impossible to talk of his love, and he had no
one outside; he could not talk to his tenants nor to any one at the bank.
And what had he to talk of? Had he been in love, then? Had there been
anything beautiful, poetical, or edifying or simply interesting in his
relations with Anna Sergeyevna? And there was nothing for him but to talk
vaguely of love, of woman, and no one guessed what it meant; only his wife
twitched her black eyebrows, and said:
"The part of a lady-killer does not suit you at all, Dimitri."
One evening, coming out of the doctors' club with an official with whom
he had been playing cards, he could not resist saying:
"If only you knew what a fascinating woman I made the acquaintance
of in Yalta!"
The official got into his sledge and was driving away, but turned
suddenly and shouted:
"Dmitri Dmitritch!"
"What?"
"You were right this evening: the sturgeon was a bit too
strong!"
These words, so ordinary, for some reason moved Gurov to indignation,
and struck him as degrading and unclean. What savage manners, what people!
What senseless nights, what uninteresting, uneventful days! The rage for
card-playing, the gluttony, the drunkenness, the continual talk always
about the same thing. Useless pursuits and conversations always about the
same things absorb the better part of one's time, the better part of one's
strength, and in the end there is left a life grovelling and curtailed,
worthless and trivial, and there is no escaping or getting away from it --
just as though one were in a madhouse or a prison.
Gurov did not sleep all night, and was filled with indignation. And he
had a headache all next day. And the next night he slept badly; he sat up
in bed, thinking, or paced up and down his room. He was sick of his
children, sick of the bank; he had no desire to go anywhere or to talk of
anything.
In the holidays in December he prepared for a journey, and told his
wife he was going to Petersburg to do something in the interests of a
young friend -- and he set off for S----. What for? He did not very well
know himself. He wanted to see Anna Sergeyevna and to talk with her -- to
arrange a meeting, if possible.
He reached S---- in the morning, and took the best room at the hotel,
in which the floor was covered with grey army cloth, and on the table was
an inkstand, grey with dust and adorned with a figure on horseback, with
its hat in its hand and its head broken off. The hotel porter gave him the
necessary information; Von Diderits lived in a house of his own in Old
Gontcharny Street -- it was not far from the hotel: he was rich and lived
in good style, and had his own horses; every one in the town knew him. The
porter pronounced the name "Dridirits."
Gurov went without haste to Old Gontcharny Street and found the house.
Just opposite the house stretched a long grey fence adorned with nails.
"One would run away from a fence like that," thought Gurov,
looking from the fence to the windows of the house and back again.
He considered: to-day was a holiday, and the husband would probably be
at home. And in any case it would be tactless to go into the house and
upset her. If he were to send her a note it might fall into her husband's
hands, and then it might ruin everything. The best thing was to trust to
chance. And he kept walking up and down the street by the fence, waiting
for the chance. He saw a beggar go in at the gate and dogs fly at him;
then an hour later he heard a piano, and the sounds were faint and
indistinct. Probably it was Anna Sergeyevna playing. The front door
suddenly opened, and an old woman came out, followed by the familiar white
Pomeranian. Gurov was on the point of calling to the dog, but his heart
began beating violently, and in his excitement he could not remember the
dog's name.
He walked up and down, and loathed the grey fence more and more, and by
now he thought irritably that Anna Sergeyevna had forgotten him, and was
perhaps already amusing herself with some one else, and that that was very
natural in a young woman who had nothing to look at from morning till
night but that confounded fence. He went back to his hotel room and sat
for a long while on the sofa, not knowing what to do, then he had dinner
and a long nap.
"How stupid and worrying it is!" he thought when he woke and
looked at the dark windows: it was already evening. "Here I've had a
good sleep for some reason. What shall I do in the night?"
He sat on the bed, which was covered by a cheap grey blanket, such as
one sees in hospitals, and he taunted himself in his vexation:
"So much for the lady with the dog . . . so much for the
adventure. . . . You're in a nice fix. . . ."
That morning at the station a poster in large letters had caught his
eye. "The Geisha" was to be
performed for the first time. He thought of this and went to the theatre.
"It's quite possible she may go to the first performance," he
thought.
The theatre was full. As in all provincial theatres, there was a fog
above the chandelier, the gallery was noisy and restless; in the front row
the local dandies were standing up before the beginning of the
performance, with their hands behind them; in the Governor's box the
Governor's daughter, wearing a boa, was sitting in the front seat, while
the Governor himself lurked modestly behind the curtain with only his
hands visible; the orchestra was a long time tuning up; the stage curtain
swayed. All the time the audience were coming in and taking their seats
Gurov looked at them eagerly.
Anna Sergeyevna, too, came in. She sat down in the third row, and when
Gurov looked at her his heart contracted, and he understood clearly that
for him there was in the whole world no creature so near, so precious, and
so important to him; she, this little woman, in no way remarkable, lost in
a provincial crowd, with a vulgar lorgnette in her hand, filled his whole
life now, was his sorrow and his joy, the one happiness that he now
desired for himself, and to the sounds of the inferior orchestra, of the
wretched provincial violins, he thought how lovely she was. He thought and
dreamed.
A young man with small side-whiskers, tall and stooping, came in with
Anna Sergeyevna and sat down beside her; he bent his head at every step
and seemed to be continually bowing. Most likely this was the husband whom
at Yalta, in a rush of bitter feeling, she had called a flunkey. And there
really was in his long figure, his side-whiskers, and the small bald patch
on his head, something of the flunkey's obsequiousness; his smile was
sugary, and in his buttonhole there was some badge of distinction like the
number on a waiter.
During the first interval the husband went
away to smoke; she remained alone in her stall. Gurov, who was sitting in
the stalls, too, went up to her and said in a trembling voice, with a
forced smile:
"Good-evening."
She glanced at him and turned pale, then glanced again with horror,
unable to believe her eyes, and tightly gripped the fan and the lorgnette
in her hands, evidently struggling with herself not to faint. Both were
silent. She was sitting, he was standing, frightened by her confusion and
not venturing to sit down beside her. The violins and the flute began
tuning up. He felt suddenly frightened; it seemed as though all the people
in the boxes were looking at them. She got up and went quickly to the
door; he followed her, and both walked senselessly along passages, and up
and down stairs, and figures in legal, scholastic, and civil service
uniforms, all wearing badges, flitted before their eyes. They caught
glimpses of ladies, of fur coats hanging on pegs; the draughts blew on
them, bringing a smell of stale tobacco. And Gurov, whose heart was
beating violently, thought:
"Oh, heavens! Why are these people here and this orchestra! . .
."
And at that instant he recalled how when he had seen Anna Sergeyevna
off at the station he had thought that everything was over and they would
never meet again. But how far they were still from the end!
On the narrow, gloomy staircase over which was written "To the
Amphitheatre," she stopped.
"How you have frightened me!" she said, breathing hard, still
pale and overwhelmed. "Oh, how you have frightened me! I am half
dead. Why have you come? Why?"
"But do understand, Anna, do understand . . ." he said
hastily in a low voice. "I entreat you to understand. . . ."
She looked at him with dread, with entreaty, with love; she looked at
him intently, to keep his features more distinctly in her memory.
"I am so unhappy," she went on, not heeding him. "I have
thought of nothing but you all the time; I live only in the thought of
you. And I wanted to forget, to forget you; but why, oh, why, have you
come?"
On the landing above them two schoolboys were smoking and looking down,
but that was nothing to Gurov; he drew Anna Sergeyevna to him, and began
kissing her face, her cheeks, and her hands.
"What are you doing, what are you doing!" she cried in
horror, pushing him away. "We are mad. Go away to-day; go away at
once. . . . I beseech you by all that is sacred, I implore you. . . .
There are people coming this way!"
Some one was coming up the stairs.
"You must go away," Anna Sergeyevna went on in a whisper.
"Do you hear, Dmitri Dmitritch? I will come and see you in Moscow. I
have never been happy; I am miserable now, and I never, never shall be
happy, never! Don't make me suffer still more! I swear I'll come to
Moscow. But now let us part. My precious, good, dear one, we must
part!"
She pressed his hand and began rapidly going downstairs, looking round
at him, and from her eyes he could see that she really was unhappy. Gurov
stood for a little while, listened, then, when all sound had died away, he
found his coat and left the theatre.
IV
And Anna Sergeyevna began coming to see him in Moscow. Once in two or
three months she left S----, telling her husband that she was going to
consult a doctor about an internal complaint -- and her husband believed
her, and did not believe her. In Moscow she stayed at the Slaviansky
Bazaar hotel, and at once sent a man in a red cap to Gurov. Gurov went to
see her, and no one in Moscow knew of it.
Once he was going to see her in this way on a winter morning (the
messenger had come the evening before when he was out). With him walked
his daughter, whom he wanted to take to school: it was on the way. Snow
was falling in big wet flakes.
"It's three degrees above freezing-point,
and yet it is snowing," said Gurov to his daughter. "The thaw is
only on the surface of the earth; there is quite a different temperature
at a greater height in the atmosphere."
"And why are there no thunderstorms in the winter, father?"
He explained that, too. He talked, thinking all the while that he was
going to see her, and no living soul knew of it, and probably never would
know. He had two lives: one, open, seen and known by all who cared to
know, full of relative truth and of relative falsehood, exactly like the
lives of his friends and acquaintances; and another life running its
course in secret. And through some strange, perhaps accidental,
conjunction of circumstances, everything that was essential, of interest
and of value to him, everything in which he was sincere and did not
deceive himself, everything that made the kernel of his life, was hidden
from other people; and all that was false in him, the sheath in which he
hid himself to conceal the truth -- such, for instance, as his work in the
bank, his discussions at the club, his "lower race," his
presence with his wife at anniversary festivities -- all that was open.
And he judged of others by himself, not believing in what he saw, and
always believing that every man had his real, most interesting life under
the cover of secrecy and under the cover of night. All personal life
rested on secrecy, and possibly it was partly on that account that
civilised man was so nervously anxious that personal privacy should be
respected.
After leaving his daughter at school, Gurov went on to the Slaviansky
Bazaar. He took off his fur coat below, went upstairs, and softly knocked
at the door. Anna Sergeyevna, wearing his favourite grey dress, exhausted
by the journey and the suspense, had been expecting him since the evening
before. She was pale; she looked at him, and did not smile, and he had
hardly come in when she fell on his breast. Their kiss was slow and
prolonged, as though they had not met for two years.
"Well, how are you getting on there?" he asked. "What
news?"
"Wait; I'll tell you directly. . . . I can't talk."
She could not speak; she was crying. She turned away from him, and
pressed her handkerchief to her eyes.
"Let her have her cry out. I'll sit down and wait," he
thought, and he sat down in an arm-chair.
Then he rang and asked for tea to be brought him, and while he drank
his tea she remained standing at the window with her back to him. She was
crying from emotion, from the miserable consciousness that their life was
so hard for them; they could only meet in secret, hiding themselves from
people, like thieves! Was not their life shattered?
"Come, do stop!" he said.
It was evident to him that this love of theirs would not soon be over,
that he could not see the end of it. Anna Sergeyevna grew more and more
attached to him. She adored him, and it was unthinkable to say to her that
it was bound to have an end some day; besides, she would not have believed
it!
He went up to her and took her by the shoulders to say something
affectionate and cheering, and at that moment he saw himself in the
looking-glass.
His hair was already beginning to turn grey. And it seemed strange to
him that he had grown so much older, so much plainer during the last few
years. The shoulders on which his hands rested were warm and quivering. He
felt compassion for this life, still so warm and lovely, but probably
already not far from beginning to fade and wither like his own. Why did
she love him so much? He always seemed to women different from what he
was, and they loved in him not himself, but the man created by their
imagination, whom they had been eagerly seeking all their lives; and
afterwards, when they noticed their mistake, they loved him all the same.
And not one of them had been happy with him. Time passed, he had made
their acquaintance, got on with them, parted, but he had never once loved;
it was anything you like, but not love.
And only now when his head was grey he had fallen properly, really in
love -- for the first time in his life.
Anna Sergeyevna and he loved each other like people very close and
akin, like husband and wife, like tender friends; it seemed to them that
fate itself had meant them for one another, and they could not understand
why he had a wife and she a husband; and it was as though they were a pair
of birds of passage, caught and forced to live in different cages. They
forgave each other for what they were ashamed of in their past, they
forgave everything in the present, and felt that this love of theirs had
changed them both.
In moments of depression in the past he had comforted himself with any
arguments that came into his mind, but now he no longer cared for
arguments; he felt profound compassion, he wanted to be sincere and
tender. . . .
"Don't cry, my darling," he said. "You've had your cry;
that's enough. . . . Let us talk now, let us think of some plan."
Then they spent a long while taking counsel together, talked of how to
avoid the necessity for secrecy, for deception, for living in different
towns and not seeing each other for long at a time. How could they be free
from this intolerable bondage?
"How? How?" he asked, clutching his head. "How?"
And it seemed as though in a little while the solution would be found,
and then a new and splendid life would begin; and it was clear to both of
them that they had still a long, long road before them, and that the most
complicated and difficult part of it was only just beginning.
NOTES
Verney's pavilion: an ice-cream and sweets shop
phonetic spelling: literally, "omitted the 'hard sign,' " a
characteristic of a progressive intellectual (this anticipated the reform
of the Russian alphabet)
Belyov or Zhidra: Belev and Zhizdra are examples of provincial and
backward towns
groyne: pier
lorgnette: a pair of eyeglasses with a short handle
second bell: in Russian theaters three bells were rung, and the curtain
went up on the third bell
The Geisha: an 1896 operetta by the Englishman Sidney Jones (1861-1946)
interval: intermission
three degrees above freezing-point: about 39 degrees F.
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