Ironing? - don't fucking do it. Buy things that
don't need ironing or wear a few creases out, you won't catch anything unless you live in
a country with bugs that need a hot squashy kill before you put your clothes on. Iron and
your clothes crumple as you wear them, don't iron and your creases disappear as the day
goes on. Standing around rubbing a piece of hot, heavy metal over cloth? Fuck that, go out
to play! |
Dusting?
Can't be arsed to do it that often,
and not allergic to dush?
Then either buy a glass fronted
display case which saves picking your knick-knacks up to dust them, or put things on high
shelves so that visitors can't see how filthy they are. |
Recipes
Toothrot Tingler
This is the most refreshing drink of the summer. Squeeze the juice
of half a lemon into a long tumbler. Take a can of chilled-ice
cold cola (hence the toothrot) of your preferred brand and pour it on top. Hey
presto, you have made a Toothrot Tingler.
The repulsive sickly sweetness of cola and the refreshing
bitterness of the lemon neutralize each other to produce something drinkable. Don't put
ice in it, why water down an already cold drink? Have it fizzy instead, hence the
tingle... Dead classy with alcohol too...
p.s. a newspaper story recently said that a top
brand of cola were losing out to lemon flavoured drinks. the point that many people have
reduced their sugar intake is lost on people who employ marketing teams. they need to get
on a fucking bus and ask people what to do. I mean, take an exceedingly sweet brand of
cakes, they should introduce a "Ms. K" range for people who have to scrape the
ice-berg thick sweet gunk of icing off cherry bakewells to actually be able to taste the
bakewell... |
| Diet
Fried Bread While the fat (use as little as
possible) is hot and getting ready for an egg to fry in it, use the flat spatula thing to
wipe oil over one side of your bread, then place it on the grill and wipe oil over the
other side.
Instead of frying the bread in the oil which it soaks up, grill
it. You get the fried taste with half the fat! |
Diet
Pork Scratchings You need to be at home to
prepare this recipe as it requires you use a dinner knife.
Scratchings are made of the crackling (pork skin) and the layer of
lardy soft fat that got baked at the same time.
Using the dinner knife, remove the soft fat from the crispy skin
and discard it. Again, half the fat! |
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