| Tour Diary Of A
Merchandise Man by Marc Ollington
I make no apologies for the fact that I used
to be (still am) a massive fan of Carter USM. During the nineties this indie rock punk
outfit produced seven albums of the best in urban social poetry combined with an
adrenaline fuelled sound that couldn't be bettered by any of their contemporaries.
Since their split in '97 singer Jim Bob has
gone on to form Jim's Super Stereoworld. The politics have now gone to be replaced with
songs with topics ranging from mobile discos and wedding receptions to losing your marbles
and having a party. At times the sound veers from disco to pop but no mistake when playing
live the Stereoworld rock. As Jim says they are a cross between Slipknot and The Bay City
Rollers.
Having got to know Jim over the last couple
of years it was a pleasure and an honour when he asked if I would look after his press and
PR. Jim isn't on a major label anymore so we were pretty pleased when the new mini album
"A Big Flash Car On A Saturday Night" got fab reviews and plenty of radio play
on Radio One. A mini tour was quickly put together with a view to playing more dates in
the summer along with the festivals.
Being a jack of all trades (and master of
none) I was asked along to help tour manage and to do the important job of selling
merchandise. And besides one of my charges (a guy I manage) called Bransby was also
playing a couple of dates with the mighty Stereoworld too and I had to look after him eh?
(check out his site at www.bransbycentral.com)
Here's my story but I should warn you that
this tale of pure rock excess puts bands like Led Zep and The Stones to shame.
Sunday 17 March
Our first live date wasn't until the next
day (in Glasgow) but as it's quite a drive, a pretty cunning plan had been devised. We
would travel up to Warwick from London today to stay at Keyboard players Ben's
house.
I arrived at the rehearsal rooms late
afternoon and struggled with putting big amps in the bus (I'm not a strong lad). Luckily
the driver Neil is a big old boy so he did much of this. Also travelling with us were Mr.
Bob himself, Salvatore Alessi (bass god, formerly of S*M*A*S*H and recently father to
Alexandria) and Dr. Ben Lambert (with the curly wurly hair).
We would be joined tomorrow by the coolest
man in rock n' roll, namely Pete Allinson III (keyboards too). He was already up north
probably doing something very rock n' roll like snorting cocaine off a virgin's breast.
The journey was a quick one once we got out of smelly old London and it's dire traffic
problem. It was also pretty non-descript, we simply listened to some punk tunes as we hit
the open road. It was bliss in all honesty.
The night, though was to hot up quite
considerably! What do you do whilst in Warwick? It's obvious isn't it? You enter the local
pub quiz. To say that we won this event would be a huge understatement. We thrashed the
locals beyond belief. My knowledge of television helped us to victory causing the pub to
almost explode into a riot of gargantuan proportions. Some doctors got very annoyed indeed
and questioned all the answers.
Things didn't get better when we also won
the picture round thus ensuring we had won many bottles of wine indeed. We hot footed it
out of the pub with the plan being to grab an early night and to save the booze for
tomorrow. Things didn't quite work out that way. We got royally drunk instead and I think
I passed out very late in the morning. I don't think anything from our bounty remained the
following day. What a great start to the tour though eh? How many bands can say that they
are pub quiz champions? Suck on that The Strokes!
Monday 18th March and Tuesday 19th March
The band awoke with blinding hangovers
though for some reason I felt extremely chirpy. I then proceeded to annoy everyone by
bouncing around and doing karate kicks. It's not my fault these rock stars can't handle
their booze is it? Ben sorted us all out with a lovely fried breakfast apart from Jim who
doesn't eat EVER!
It was soon time to embark on the journey up
to Glasgow. It passed pretty quickly as most of us fell asleep and I read a lot of my book
(which was 'Last Of The Savages by Jay McInerney and is highly recommended). It was then I
realised that Neil had the worst job in the world as the driver. He had to concentrate as
rain lashed down and harsh winds blew. He did seem quite happy though as he kept on
pointing out obscure football grounds to me which seemed to give him quite a bit of
pleasure.
We arrived at King Tuts late in the
afternoon. There were two local bands as support tonight who were typical indie schmindie
by numbers. Travis were obviously an influence so I won't bore you with their names. All I
will say lads and lasses is be a bit more adventurous. Where's your spunk?
I don't know if any of you that are in bands
have played King Tuts but it really is a fantastic venue. I've been there three times now
and they serve you the best food. There is always a smashing soup for the starter and then
a choice of six or so main meals. They skipped the side salad this time around which was
quite disappointing though.
There is also a great atmosphere at 'Tuts
and the crowd were really mad for it tonight. It was a shame then that the band were
hampered by bad sound on the first few songs. The keyboards were way too high in the mix
and thus it all sounded a bit messy. After a while though both band and soundman got into
their stride and Glasgow rocked big style. The best song tonight was the Fierce Panda
single 'Bonkers In The Nut'. It certainly got everyone moving and grooving.
With regards to my good self CD and T-Shirt
sales were brisk and I got to talk to some nice young ladies. It's definitely a great job
to have (as long as you're in a good position to see the band and not stuck in some
foyer). Carter's old merch man Mad Dog turned up (being local to the area) and bought me
plenty of strong lager. The legs felt pretty wobbly by the end of the evening. Mad Dog
also gave us a tape of his new band. The best song being a thirty second thrash metal
number called 'Millennium Thatcher'
More booze was consumed back at the hotel we
were staying at just outside Glasgow. Ben and Salv had a pillow fight and got very frisky
with each other (fact: every male in a band is a latent homosexual). Unluckily for my room
mate Neil, I had quite a bad stomach that night. The resulting smell in the morning was
awful as a lot of stale wind had hung in the air. His constant snoring more than made up
for it though.
The journey back to London was a long one
with plenty of service station stops for crisps and chocolate. I got home just past 9pm. I
settled down to watch Louis Theroux meet Keith Harris, what a fantastic piece of
television that was.
Wednesday 20th March
Today was a little bit special for a guy I
manage called Bransby. He has recently been signed to Jim's former cohort Les 'Fruitbat'
Carter's label 'Spinach Records' and as a result he has been booked to play a couple of
dates supporting the Stereoworld. Tonight though he was headlining The Acoustix Club at
The Bedford in Balham. The venue was a great one with a lovely laid back atmosphere. This
was added to by candles and intimate lighting of a romantic nature. Rock n' roll filth it
most certainly wasn't.
It's a shame then that the Bransby rabble
and Jim's Super Stereoworld proceeded to get royally drunk thus ruining any ambience. I
know that I'm biased but the boy from Mold in North Wales belted out a corking set to a
quite rapturous response. The highlight was when he was joined by Jim Bob for an acoustic
rendition of top ten Carter smash 'The Only Living Boy In New Cross'.
Bransby, myself and a few other waifs and
strays headed back to my house nearby for a few more drinks that included a rather
disgusting bottle of peach wine. It's not all Jack Daniels and cheap groupies you know,
especially on our budget! Roll on tomorrow when we can steal Jim Bob's rider.
Thursday 21st March
I managed to wake Bransby from his slumber
at around 9am. He had to spend a night on my living room floor and was complaining that it
wasn't very comfortable. I told him to stop being so ruddy ungrateful and that I could
have thrown him out on the streets. We got a cab to Jim's house which was nearby in South
London. I had never been around Jim's before and I was very impressed with his abode. It
was very kitsch and cool but nice and homely at the same time.
We loaded the little bus up once again ready
for the not too long journey to Sheffield. It wouldn't have been too long actually if it
wasn't for Bransby. From the minute we left he insisted on singing along to every ruddy
song. At first it was funny then after a while it just got very annoying indeed. I
couldn't cope with three hours of this!! Especially when he insisted on playing James!
We stopped off on the way to pick up Pete
and then onwards to Stevanage to get Salv. For those of you interested in rock star homes
I should point out that Salv's is very nice indeed. The house itself is very modern with
lots of cream and wooden floors if I remember correctly. He also had a rather nice garden
with a pond and everything. I met his new little baby Alexandria and I'm sure she pulled a
funny face at me. I don't really blame her but Bransby is a lot uglier than me.
Anyway after some coffee and doughnuts
(Bransby had two 'cause he's a fat git) we hit the road again. Bransby carried on singing
whilst Jim and Pete worked out how long they would get for murder provided they made a
tape of what was going on. Surely a judge would be lenient if he heard it?
We eventually arrived at Hallam University
and not a moment to soon! Upon loading the stuff into the venue I was amazed at the size
of it, it would have held at least a thousand. Would Jim be able to pull that kind of
crowd? The answer is a no actually but plenty of people did show to see both Bransby and
Jim & The Boys play amazing sets. Bransby proceeded to sell loads of his debut EP
(Plenty More Fish In The Sea) and even signed a few copies. Will stardom go to his head
and make it expand? I hope so as his neck is so huge his head has to catch up at some
point.
I should also give an honourable mention
here to Chris T.T. For those of you who haven't heard his stuff before he is comparable to
Badly Drawn Boy but more of an edge and they can rock out a bit more. He is also
considerably bigger in girth than the badly drawn one but he has an abundance of good
tunes and the crowd took to him really well. Chris and his band were also top fellas and
it was a pleasure to have them along.
We drove back from Warwick after the gig to
stay around Ben's again after being made to leave the venue really quickly by heavy
security (when will promoters learn that it takes more than ten minutes for a band to
unwind after a gig and to pack up?).
The journey back seemed to pass by really
quickly even though Bransby decided to sing again. The fact that I joined in probably
helped due to the fact that I am the embodiment of rock n' roll. Once again it was more
booze and antics when we got back. The best bit being me chaining Bransby to the fireplace
after he had passed out. I then squeezed loads of contact lens solution over his face. He
deserved it! I think he then sacked me but I didn't worry as he does this at least once a
day.
Friday 22nd May
Once everybody had recovered from their
hangovers we boarded the bus again for the journey to London. The last date of this mini
tour was at the Highbury Garage and everyone was dead excited. We got there quite easily
and the band sound checked as I set up the merch stall.
I also have my own local radio show (that
broadcasts on the internet too http://www.phoenixfm.com)
and we were recording tonight's events for a live special. The station boss Paul arrived
and we did some interviews with band members to go with all the live tunes. Once that was
sorted I was able to hot foot it over to the pub where loads of mates had gathered to sink
a few pre gig jars.
By the time Bransby had finished his
well-received set the venue was heaving for Chris T.T. Once again the crowd warmed to him
and resisted the opportunity to shout 'You Fat Bastard'. Jim's Super Stereoworld fans are
more sophisticated than Carter fans and there are more females in attendance too. I put
this all down to the cooler than cool Pete Allinson. His sultry looks and James Deanesque
cigarette smoking have the ladies swooning in admiration. Anyway I digress. Chris and the
band had upped the stakes quite considerably. It would take a blistering set from Jim and
the lads to top that!
Luckily that's exactly what they did. The
boys were in splendid form, the sound was superb and the crowd were more than mad for it.
There was stage diving, crowd surfing and general good feeling. Towards the end Jim
announced that this had been the best Stereoworld gig ever and I couldn't help but agree
with him. The best song tonight was 'Candyfloss'. It has loads of swearing and is a
veritable indie pop rock classic of the highest order.
Sadly you always get a few idiots that try
and spoil things. My good friend James was looking after the merch stall for me. During
Jim's set they threatened to beat him up as they had lost out in our charity auction. I
quickly got security to sort things out but not before they had thrown two whole pints all
over the merch. Luckily everyone was ok and nobody was going to let those twerps ruin a
great evening.
The rest of the night was spent drinking and
boogying to the best in indie tunes. To say that it had been the perfect end to a great
week is something of an understatement. All that remains for to say is that if you ever
get the chance to go on tour with a band in whatever capacity, do it. It's great fun to be
involved in music, especially if like me you have no discernible musical talent yourself.
I would also recommend you check out Bransby, Chris T.T. and the mighty Stereoworld. All
three of these acts deserve to be much bigger than they are. See you at one of their gigs
soon! |
