News of this site, As edited by the Felidae Etc., offices

August 2000

Cats-Paw Wins The Day

Feline Web-Site: The Cats-Paw Detective Agency. Has just received word that it won The first ever Claranet Users Web-Site Competition. Claiming 1st prize.

Silkius Maxipus (5) Editor and Guild Master, was said to be delighted and instantly started browsing the web for wholesale suppliers of Cat-Nip and Smoked Salmon. Meanwhile Office helpers Felia and Drizzt (10mths) have had to resort to cooling the sites counter down, with the increased hit load they have received.

This mixed in with winning a Golden Web Award has propelled The Cats-Paw office into a new realm of popularity that has taken these hard working cats completely by surprise

Browsing for Catnip suppliers

"I guess we better start trying to keep the updates coming then." Reported nonplussed Ace-Reporter Freyja(5) while Shoshonoie refused any comment and decided that a good nap on top of the Fish Tank was called for instead.

Feline FAQ
On How to Keep Humans as Pets,
Finally goes On-line

New Scratch and Sniff Screen Savers:
Are they just a myth?

Now at least I can find out where I am going wrong

Ace Writer and Reporter Silkius Maxipus(5) has finally put together an FAQ for fellow Felines on 'How to Keep A Human as a Pet'.

Aided by his two CO-Reporters Felia and Drizzt(10months) They have put together a comprehensive beginners guide to looking after this strange pediatically challenged species.

Sections include: housing, feeding, grooming, exercise and even breeding these weird animals, should you choose to want one.

Reports of a new Feline Web-saver from the makers of Kitty Lick 2 are rumoured to be possible untrue. Reports dismayed feline columnist: Carpal P Syn(7).

The mythological company (The Corporation) had many kittens squealing with delight with the prospect of a new type of Screen-Saver that offered Scratch and Sniff Technology, mixed with nature scenes.

This new software gave hope to many town cats whose views are poorly masked with ugly constructions and heavy traffic.

"It's just not fair," comments Miss P. Paws of New York. "Us town cats never get anything nice to look at these days."

We will be looking into this company and will duly report on any further developments.

It also includes notes about longevity and where best to locate your human.

"It's about time!" Comments Mr E Cat of England(61/2). "There are countless files on keeping all manor of other animals, from Spiders to Crocodiles, but there has been precious little on Humans."

The article can be found here in the On-line Pets Magazine: UK-Pets. in the magazine section.

Rodents Squeal "Unfair" As cats start to harass them on the WWW

A Squeak is being heard across the Internet as Rodents complain to the W3D about species harassment.

Reports are coming in that housebound cats are now finding new ways to continue their hobbies of Mousing and Ratting via their Web-Browsers, whilst their humans are asleep, are being meowed as gross and unfair. Comments Fluff E Kins (3) and spokes-cat of the FRTB (Feline Right To Browse)

"We don't mean any harm," she went on to explain: "It's just many of us have never even seen a real Mouse or Rat, and some cats have been getting a little over excited at the prospect."

"As for these fairy stories that some cats are 'Stalking Rodents On-line' are grossly overstated. Sure one or two Toms that have been stuck indoors for a few days, may have written comments in Ratty Guestbooks. But this is not a general trend"

We will look into this further, and print our reports. In the meantime: If you are a Feline Surfer and have found a new lease of life with these rodent web-rings. Let us know your thoughts on this at Cats-Paw

Two more members of the Guild this month. Sammi Cat and Anfield. Both of whom hail from the shores of Blighty.

So come on you US cats. Prove to us that the world of Feline Literacy isn't restricted to these shores

You can visit the Guild here

Stories are circulating that the dynamic team at the Cats-Paw Office are constructing yet another article.

This time on the Mysteries of Feng Shui, and how this affects the Feline perspective of life.

We will report here as soon as we have more news.

The Felidae News

News of this site, As edited by the Felidae Etc., offices

We can be contacted via the Cats-Paw office at felidae@cats-paw.co.uk and we will be grateful of any information on the criminal element in YOUR area.

Also we would like to ask, for any stories, ideas or reports you may have to keep this section going. (Or indeed any part of the site) We have put a lot of work into this office, but it still needs outside input, in order to keep it fresh. No worries if you can't put web-pages together or write a whole piece, just send us the idea, and we'll do the rest.

After many years of waiting, it is finally going to happen, reports ace journalist P.R.Puss.

We are finally going to get an article written by cats as to how to look after these strange pets many of us keep called Humans.

Early reports show, that it will include such rudimentary chores such as: 'Litter Training' 'Keeping humans occupied so they don't get into trouble' and 'Exercise'

Further reports on subjects such as: Where to obtain your human' and 'How to exchange unwanted humans' are yet unconfirmed.

Needless to say we will keep you posted on any reports we receive.

 

Well it certainly took some doing, but we finally sat down and wrote the content for Three Agents within The Feline Private Investigators: Database Files, with promises for content coming on others soon. .

We now have sections on Joe Grey (Cat on the Edge & Cat in the Dark Fame) Francis (Felidae and Felidae on the Road) and of course our own Ben Gun.
We are told that soon we will have files on Koko (The Cat Who...) and Midnight Louis, not to mention another Web-Side Cat PI called Claude Pawson, to which we will try to get their files up and running ASAP.

The Literary Cat Guild has another three members taking its total to over 23, reports Grand Guild Master; 'Silkius Maxipus' (aged 5)

But he is still waiting for more Literary cats to take their stance, and show the world what they are made of.

In fact reports that the British are leading the Americans in Literary Cat web-Sites by a staggering 15-8 majority are surprisingly accurate leaving Grand Guild Master Silkius Maxipus, (Aged 5) and Fellow Guild Master Lord Draco (Aged 4) astounded at the lack of response from our American Cousins.

Silk has just finished creating a new guild page, that instantly takes you to a summarised list of all the members and their web-sites.

He also reports that they now have a few associate members, that have proved their literary worth in mail correspondence, even if they are not up to web-site status yet, thus keeping them at associate status, rather than full membership.

It is hoped that they too will soon get their humans to get their web-sites together and join us in the Halls of greatness, that they no doubt deserve.

Members are reminded that there are new graphics available directly from Silkius, for linking directly to the new list.

 

 

 

Reports that a pair of Feline Felons, known locally as 'The Brown Paw Gang' are again loose on the streets and causing terror across the North of England, have just reached us today.

This 'Dynamic Duo' of 'Holy Terrors' are reported to be stalking the streets of Whitley Bay and Birtley in County Durham, causing havoc wherever they lay their paws, and using their own unique brand of Urban Terrorism and Extortion to demand Chinese Take-Aways and Gravy.

This pair are reputably said to appear a pair of home loving Siamese brothers, whereas Home Wrecking, seems to be more their normal true style.

We have early reports on their activities, and are eagerly awaiting some photo-fit pictures, so we can place these Felons on our Data-Base and let the public be aware of this 'Gang of Two'

 

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Catnip Virus Reported a Hoax

The Felidae News

March 2000

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Out of the ashes of the Cats-Eye Magazine Offices, in the Felidae Publications Building, comes a new agency especially created for Feline Sleuths. Its main purpose seems to be to collect together contacts and information on many of the Worlds leading Feline Sleuths. The office is in its early days of infancy as they try to accumulate the necessary information to put together this Information Base. Although we have been informed that the main pages and interfaces are now working, and it has pretty much been debugged; as they had plenty volunteers for catching them.

'The Cats-Paw Detective Agency' opened it doors for the first time last night, to a rousing reception to all who attended. We managed to sneak into the 'Opening Party' to try and get a few interviews. But to be honest the milk was flowing as was the Catnip, and we plain forgot to set up our recording equipment.

We did however manage to track down one of the Offices main agents: Ben Gun, who we found in his box on the floor the next Morning, sleeping off the effects of to much Catnip, . After we finally managed to rouse him from his sleep, he grumpily told us to *** off, as he still had a hang over..

Next we cornered two other agents, namely Spectre and Smudge. Who informed us that they haven't a clue what's going on as their story is yet to be finished, so they don't officially exist yet. Also, even when they do exist, they come from 'Victorian London' so all this technology is rather ahead of their time.

The Office will be open to public from March 11th 2000.

Well what can we say. If you are a regular visitor to the Felidae Site, you might have noticed a few changes here. (Ha! You would have to be blind, not to notice them, or have a memory like a goldfish - Silk) Namely the Cats Paw Detective Agency has taken over our Front Office. Many of our old areas are still available. Through the Archives. Although there are so many new features coming that we are sure you will still be happy.

We hope you like the changes here and enjoy coming to visit us regularly

 

Criminal Cats are running scared, as they find out that the F.P.I. (Feline Private Investigators) have finally released their lock on some of their most confidential files containing Feline Felons. It was revealed last night

An inside source, informed us that this is just the start and that there are many more to come.

When asked as to their reasons behind this sudden release of information. It was reported that they 'Just thought it was a good idea.'

We then asked when it was likely that the lid would be lifted on the many other Feline Felon Files, they told us that they were typing them as fast as they can. But until someone invents a Keyboard suitable for Cat Paws, we could have to wait some time.

Rumours of a large syndicate of Cat-Nip dealers, located in London's West End, were running high last week.

The suspected gang of Feline Felons, is also rumoured to have been heavily recruiting new members it was revealed to one of our reporters. The original 'Gang of Five' has been rumoured to have now increased to seven, despite earlier indications that their number had decreased, due to the loss of three of the original five.

Our top investigative reporter has been looking into the 'Gangs' history. Which for reasons of current investigations cannot be named. Seemingly they hide behind a popular image of friendly cats, who produce a web-site that offers advice to fellow felines.

Other rumours that the profits from these ventures go towards providing funding for the Political Aspirations of another known associate of theirs are also reported to be well founded, if somewhat unsubstantiated at this time.

We will endeavour to keep you informed as our investigations progress.

The Literary Cat Guild now has 20 members, reports Grand Guild Master; 'Silkius Maxipus' (aged 5)

He has just finished creating a new look to the outside of the building, including the Main Entrance, and the two Members Halls. When asked where he found the funds for all the marble facings and columns, he refused to comment.

The Literary Cat Guild, is an exclusive organisation for Felines who have excelled in the fields of Art and Literature. Its members having applied within the Guild for their work to be Judged by a Panel of Feline Critiques before membership is granted.

Cats who have been granted Membership are rewarded with a personalised Shield Herald and Certificate, to display where they wish. A copy of their shield is then displayed in the Entrance Hall along with a direct link to their site from within the Guilds Halls of Honour.

Even the young get their chance, as the Guild has set up a Junior Section too. As Silkius reports 'Today's Kittens are Tomorrow's Guild Masters'

When asked to comment on the rumour that Guild Members now have their own Exclusive Secret Mailing List. Silkius again refrained from answer. Replying that if he told us, it would no longer be Secret.

Reports of Cases of Feline related Carpal-Paw-Sydrome are on the rise. Reports the Foundation for Feline Web Addicts. (F.F.F.W.W.W.A)

Seemingly many hundreds of felines are spending more and more time on the Web, surfing the many thousands of Cat related pages. And the poor design of 'humanist' peripherals means many cats are starting to suffer the effects of too much surftime.

Miss Pooh.C.Cat told us in an exclusive interview that due to her excessive surf time, she now has trouble shredding the sofa due to cramps in her claw sheaths.

New recommendations state that a three hour nap between twenty minute surf sessions is highly recommended.

Reports that a Ginger Tom from Seattle is suing his human for: 'Deformation of Character' have recently been arriving at our offices.

The report states that 'Marmaduke' suffered taunts and ridicule from the many cats on the street, after his human put together a Web-Site describing him as Mr Fluffy, in which pictures of him exposing his belly, whist lying on a pink flowery duvet; were also flagrantly displayed for the world to see.

Seemingly he claims: 'The whole cutsie site' downplayed his tough street-cred image as the Top Cat for the Street. To the point he was unable to show his face for fear of Ridicule.

We await to hear with interest, how the case progresses.

Silkius Maxipus (Aged 5) has retired as editor of Cats-Eye Magazine, We were informed today.

He says he found that the whole thing was getting out of Paw as he was down to a mere 16 Hours sleep a day. He told us he had hoped to have contributions from fellow felines out in the field. (Or in the house, the Garden or on a wall) But to date he has still only received two contributions. To which he said it was just not enough to keep it all going. As editing it and getting on-line was enough to do, without writing all the Articles too.

He has decided that he now wants to concentrate on running The Literary Cat Guild; as that has enough members to keep him occupied. (Although he is always on the lookout for more. He states) He offered up the Magazine for sale, but as there was no takers, he has decided to close it's offices for the time being. Although he did ask us to keep the original two Issues for viewing in the Archives.

When questioned about the rumours, surrounding his renting the office to a Detective Agency, in exchange for large sacks of Kibble He refused to comment, as he said he had a prior luncheon engagement to attend.