Doctors Notes
These are actual, un-edited notes from patients' charts:-
- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
- On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it had disappeared completely
- She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993
- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also seems to be depressed
- Discharge status: alive but without permission
- Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
- The patient refused an autopsy
- The patient has no past history of suicides
- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital
- Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days
- Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
- She is numb from her toes down
- While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home
- Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid
- She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce
- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
- The lab test revealed abnormal lover function
- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead
- Skin: somewhat pale but present
- The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor
- Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities
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