Issue Five

With the recent arrival of Stan Ternent and the departure of Chris Waddle, many thought that the club had turned the corner. However, with the lack of any major new signings and the buffoon of a chairman still in situ, the editorial team had rather lower expectations - hence the title. This issue went on sale outside Turf Moor at the first game of the 1998/99 season when we beat Bristol Rovers 2-1. The cover refers to Ray Ingleby - local millionaire - having withdrawn his takeover bid.

Highlights of the edition
Through the Bumhole - an irreverent Loyd Grossman-esque look at the humble surroundings of the chairman's home
Hang Kevin Keegan - the final analysis of England's World Cup failure in France
Elton Welsby, Your Breath Smells - a critical analysis of the Sausage contribution to Granada TV's Talking Balls programme
Getting Shirty - A pro-CISA article in support of the replica strip boycott

Best Quote:
"All boardrooms should conform to the widely perceived stereotype of a senile old git, a fat cockney, a gambling machine owner and, of course, a man who sells bathroom suites"
How to be a Successful Chairman