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LOWESTOFT JANUARY 27TH 2002
by Anon E. Mouse
Following a successful days birding this Sunday, a Lounge Lizard who shall remain nameless returned to his home in an undisclosed location to find a strange bird in his kitchen. Perplexed as to this obviously exotic bird's identification he quickly consulted a selection of field guides which confirmed the species ID as an Ovenreadybird, Fowlus roasticus.
Eager to get the record out, this anonymous birder phoned out the information onto the local grapevine. Several observers rushed to the location only to find that the bird had been attacked by an unknown predator, eaten, and only its remains were left.
The observer responsibly took the bones from the carcass to help aid DNA identification should the description be inadequate (Aside from this the bones would make a damn good soup should times become hard)!
Bronze plumage and glossy sheen suggested this bird to be a 1st winter male possibly of race Rainbowensis. Although the dark tone of the upper mantle cannot rule out cross breeding with a Tescothens.
Picture taken prior to identification The tragic corpse
As noted in several reference texts this individual was relatively gregarious socialising with Potatocus roasticus and Sagens onionus stuffinians. The individual seemed to be feeding on celery although the crop when dissected produced one large onion seemingly too large for the bird to have consumed via the correct alimentary direction.
The pattern of occurrence seems to point almost uniquely to Sundays throughout the year. This bird will be eagerly sought after in the future as only one Lounge Lizard has it on their list, subject to BBRC approval.
Editors note: Analysis of the photographic evidence shows no obvious sign of fowlplay and the record as such appears genuine.